There is a poem, by one of my fav poets, IJEOMA UMEBINYUO from her book “QUESTIONS FOR ADA”… and it goes like this:
Here you are
Too foreign for home
Too foreign for here
Never enough for both.
Have you ever felt that way? Like wherever you are, you just don’t feel fulfilled. And I don’t just mean where you are in the physical sense of your body’s location, but even spiritually, emotionally etc.
You are here, when you think you need to be there and when you get there, where you think you need to be, you still don’t feel complete.
Yeah, I’ve been there. Physically, emotionally and especially spiritually. And it is an extremely worrying place to be.
More often than not, I’ve found myself feeling exactly the way this poem goes: “never enough for both”. And as I said, it puts one in such a worried mood. It may bring a feeling of never getting out of that space, making you feel like constant searching is the only way forward. It makes you lose focus, and instead of understanding the journey of finding your place in this world, you focus on “why me? Why am I so lost?”.
But I’m happy that I’ve sort of learned to navigate myself out of that rut. I’m slowly learning to not dwell in the negative side of that. Everyone is searching, because everyone is on a journey. I am such a strong believer in the concept that ‘nothing just happens’. Nothing is because of mere coincidence. Everything happens for a reason, and although I may not understand the reason at the time, it will be revealed in due time.
We all find hope and a sense of purpose in different things. And I think that’s why it’s a good thing to be able to realise when you feel lost, not enough, you know? Because it shows that you are definitely on your journey to finding your purpose. And the minute you feel fulfilled, ‘enough for here’, you know you’ve made it home.